Does Bellevue have one L or two?
Published January 27th, 2006 in A day in the lifeOver the course of the day, I never know what’s going to work its way out of the attention-deficit carnival in my head. I’m sure this is how life is for most people, but since I’m trying to make it as a writer, I try and write these ideas down in notebooks or on small scraps of paper; maybe a word or two, or a short phrase, something to jog my memory later. You’ve probably seen people like me doing this in coffee shops. We tend to be obnoxious about it.
Well, I cleaned my room tonight, and I just found a note on the dresser by my bed that says:
“Cracked Rib Assassin”
That’s it. That’s all it says. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s written in my handwriting, I have no idea when I wrote it, and I have no idea what it means.
This sucks for two reasons. One, not only am I losing my mind at the ripe old age of 26, but I have definitive proof. I feel like the guy in the Advil commercials who can’t go flyfishing because he has arthritis. Two…I don’t know what a “cracked rib assassin” is, but now I think that one is after me. I’m scared shitless, it’s two in the morning and no one else is home. At least my apartment has really creaky floors.
If anyone wants to send me an email, go right ahead. I’m guessing I’ll be awake.
At least you are finding these notes in less-obvious places. I find them taped to my monitor, so that I can see them everyday, and I still can’t remember what they mean.
The mind works in mysterious ways, mine is kind of
like a very slow old lady in a huge Indiana Jones
warehouse of information.
Anyway, while taking a shit this morning, the old lady
found the file on “cracked rib assasin”
So, remember when you fell and fucked yourself up on
your laptop screen and you limped around like an old
man for about a month. Well, I diagnosed you as
possibly having a cracked rib. Also, at that time you
were lifting weights with the intention of kicking
Ari’s malnourished malaria ass immediately upon his
return from Suriname. I believe that either you or I
came up with “cracked rib assasin” to convey that
while currently injured, you still had every intention
of making Ari more injured.
old lady out