Underpants On The Outside

Last season, I got into 24 quite a bit. Most people I know say it’s the best show on television, and I have to admit, I see their point. I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.

Nine PM sharp, I sat down on the couch, pencil and notebook ready. Unlike last week, I was sober, awake and prepared for The Jack Bauer Power Hour (as it’s known around Apartment 4). So naturally, Jack was hardly in the episode at all.

Jack’s day, 4-5 PM: When we first see Jack, he’s in the car, on the way to “Omnicron”, the company that manufactured the nerve gas. Apparently, the CEO or something is the guy who recruited Jack to CTU. Things turned sour when Jack led an internal investigation that implicated the guy. The CEO was never convicted, but he lost his job at CTU. We find all this out because Audrey gets Jack in an impromptu game of Twenty Questions, never noticing that Jack is answering her in one word sentences because he’s busy trying to fight terrorism.  I understand that this conversation was for the sake of the audience, but it reminded me of about a million conversations I’ve had with girlfriends over the years: I’m talking to her, I’ve got something else going on, she’s asking me non-stop questions, and sooner or later I end up yelling about something ridiculous. Jack: showed remarkable restraint; Me:yelled at Audrey on the TV.

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Twenty years from now the movie about this flying hotel will mark the comeback of Leonardo DiCaprio and Celine Dion’s careers. 

But if this thing survives its maiden voyage, I will sell my children for a ticket.

Last season, I got into 24 quite a bit. Most people I know say it’s the best show on television, and I have to admit, I see their point. I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.

Jack’s day, 3-4 PM:  First off, let me say that I watched this episode at one in the morning after trivia night with the roommates where beer was involved.  My notes are largely illegible and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep at one point.  So if I stray from the actual plot line a little, forgive me.

All of us mess up on the job sooner or later.  For most of us our bosses are kind and understanding, but none of us stop terrorists.  Jack, on the other hand, is SOL.  Because Jack prevented a mall-full of school-ditching kids from being nerve-gassed, the Hobbit wants him in jail.  (In my notes, there’s a line that says “Hobbit is very jowly.  PO-TAY-TOES!”)  But if the Hobbit is at CTU and Jack is at the terrorist hideout, well, who’s going to put Jack under arrest?

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Okay, I feel a little bad about posting and making light of a story where a guy died.  I am very aware of my own mortality, and in all probability the victim was an alright guy.  Most people are. 

That being said, this story is so crazy it almost seems like fiction.  I’m too impressed by the sheer clusterfuck-ness of this whole debacle to not point it out.

1) The guy got killed by his roommate over toilet paper… You hear that, roommies?  Those chocolate chips in the freezer are OFF LIMITS.

2) The link that says “Watch how an 11-year-old helped get the confession” … What you don’t know is that the kid’s last name is Sipowitz.  And  he beat the guy with a phone book. 

3)  That the victim escalated the argument by pulling out a rifle - and got killed by two hammers… Clearly he never heard the age old piece of advice: never bring a rifle to a hammer fight.  Paper can beat Scissors if Scissors has really bad aim.

This story is like eight Darwin Awards rolled into one.

Last night, me and the roommates went to trivia night at a bar.  (Team name: Mystery Chocolate) Now, I’m no good at trivia.  The only reason I can remember my dad’s birthday is because it was the combination to all of our luggage.  Even then I have to go find a calendar so I can remember which month is “6″. 

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Last season, I got into 24 quite a bit. Most people I know say it’s the best show on television, and I have to admit, I see their point. I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.

Jack’s Day, 2-3 PM: When we last left him, Jack was in the apartment of a terrorist conspirator.  The nerve-gas wielding terrorists were going to call any minute, and the conspirator had just been murdered.   If the terrorists call and no one picks up, they’re going to know something is wrong. Last week, I guessed Jack’s solution was going to be mimicking the conspirator’s accent, and I was right… sort of.   The conspirator spoke with a highly nuanced Eastern European accent that even had sounds like a southern drawl.  Judging from his performance, Jack researched the accent the way Americans learn how to say Yes, No and Please in Italian, then think they can backpack their way through France.

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I’ve written today’s 24 post.  But every time I put it up, my site goes ass-wacky and I have to take it down.  I guess I know what I’m doing tonight. 

Update: Apparently, I have a “PHP problem” and I had to email Yahoo’s PHP support specialists.  No word back. They were kind of treating me like nurses when they know the patient is gonna die but they have to wait for the doctor to say something. I’m not so sure that I will be with Yahoo in March.

I was just in the bathroom, standing at a urinal when a facilities guy I know gets up to the adjacent urinal.  Well, when I say I know him, what I mean is, I know him as long as I’m not standing with my dick in my hand.  So I was perplexed when he started talking to me.

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I got a ton of stuff to do today at work, so unfortunately, I’m not going to be posting much and I won’t get home until late.  Check back tomorrow, I will try and have some new stuff for you all early.

I need some more readers here, people.  Collegehumor has a link-swap setup where I can get my site listed on theirs, but like this girl Natasha back in high school, there’s a lot of people looking to get on them.  If I’m going to get noticed, I have to send a lot of links their way first.  Below you’ll find some links.  If you’ve got a little extra time today, do me a favor and click around.  If you want to do me a bigger favor, bring me Natasha.

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