I do something stupid: four weeks ago
Published February 6th, 2006 in A day in the lifeOn friday nights, I play in a recreational soccer league. It’s a good time, I get some exercise, and then the league usually goes out for drinks afterwards. I play goal keeper. Four weeks ago, after a game in which I did not allow a goal and made several athletic saves, I had a couple beers and got a little… cocky. I was talking with some players on another team when they asked me “what position do you play?”
“Keeper,” I said. “And do you know what they call me? THE DIAPHRAGM, BECAUSE YOU AIN’T NEVER IMPREGNATIN’ THIS!” To top it off, I did a dance. Why, oh why the fuck did I do a dance?
Since then, I’ve played two games that we lost by a combined score of 11-3. There is a constant stream of sideline comments like, ”Uh oh, I’m pregnant!” and “It’s a boy!” and “The Diaphragm has been punctured!” And everyone knows the dance.
I’ve tried to change my nickname to the self-deprecating “Pull-Out Method” (with a new dance), but no one’s hearing it. Last week, so many different people scored on me I told them I’d need a paternity test to know who the father was.
Usually, beatings this bad involve the words “woodshed” and “two-by-four.” I’m more than a little embarassed about it, and keep in mind I’ve been naked in front of hundreds of people. The only reason this post is up is that before last week’s beating, (8-3 at the hands of “The Brass Monkeys”) one of the players dared me to post about it if I lost. Whatever it takes to get more readers.
Video of the dance, plz.
Okay, I’ll try; but don’t hold your breath. I’ll have to figure out how to take video on my new camera, then figure out how to post it. Bear in mind I still haven’t been able to make a replacement for the allegedly homosexual banner currently topping my site. Yes, I said homosexual and topping.
I disagree about the homosexual banner.
It is the changing of the seasons, very much representative of the changing that is happening here, at underpants on the outside.
On second thought, after typing that and reading it, I feel more homosexual.
therefore, this discussion of the homosexual banner has become homosexual banter.
ZING!
If it were my blog, and if I knew how to change the banner, I would put an Abercrombie and Fitch banner ad up there
Consider the bet paid, Z. You are a man of your word. Now if we could just figure out what to call you now…
How about “May-May the thai prostitute”
because he’ll let anybody score
actually, that would also be a good name for him to use in posting as webmaster
because his site goes down so often
Occupational Government wins in life.
He most certainly does.