I’ve got a deck; if only I had a friend…
Published March 20th, 2006 in A day in the life, Magic: The GatheringFor days I hinted a nerdy endeavor of grand proportions. Well, it’s time to reveal my secret:
After ten years away from the game, I have decided to get back into Magic: The Gathering.
Some of you might be unfamiliar with Magic. It’s a trading card game, like Dungeons and Dragons for people who need pictures. The title of this post is a reference to the game’s old slogan: “All you need is a deck and a friend.” I always thought this was Magic players taking a frank look at themselves and acknowledging that they tended to be awkward and anti-social, often with offensive body odors. The slogan seemed to say, “C’mon, geek, all you need is a friend. Just one. Even you have one, don’tcha? How about the Asian kid who doesn’t speak English very well? You two get along, and he always has good video games. Or the fat kid? He’ll play any game that doesn’t require him to run. If you get them and the kid who plays clarinet*, you’ll practically be able to start a gang.”
If anything, the true power of MTG is that when I remember playing it, suddenly my early teens seem like an episode of the Wonder Years with a Weezer soundtrack, rather than years of desperation, bad outfits, and bacne. Best of all, Underpants on the Outside provides me with a good excuse to get back into it. After all, it’s definitely a nerdy hobby, and I think I could write funny stories about getting beat down by children and creepy adults.
In any case, I could not be more excited about this. In the early stages of this project, I was afraid that I’d never find someone to play with; if I ask them again my roommates will start advertising my room on Craigslist, and when I asked Wonder Woman she said no. In fact, she threatened to dump me if I turn weird. (I’m pretty sure she’s bluffing, but even if she’s not, after dating me for two years, I’m confident her standards of normal behavior have widened quite a bit.)
But with a little luck and a little research, I found Neutral Ground, a store in Manhattan with a large gaming room in the back. I went there this weekend, and it was a dead ringer for Flights of Fantasy, the bookstore me and my friends used to go to trade cards. There were the spoiled kids, harried moms willing to spend whatever it took for a moment of peace, and t-shirts referencing old Nintendo games. It smelled sour and disgusting, and the tables were filled with uglies, greasies, creepies, stinkies… and me. Weird thing though. The slightly older guy with thinning hair who is obviously and desperately trying to hang onto his childhood…he wasn’t there. I looked all around, but there was no sign of him.
Yes, my birthday is next month. What does that have to do with anything?
*Full disclosure: I played clarinet in the band, and you’d better believe I was first chair.
Into my mid 20’s instead of poker night, we had MTG night. The bonus was if you hosted the party, you got to use your own decks.
The night I ran out the door to get some extra chips becuase I noticed I didn’t have enough. Was the same night my girlfriend told me I had gone weird.
I layed down my cards soon after….. it was a dark time.
Heed the advice of the wise, old GQSmooth00.
i 100% support z’s latest endeavor. full disclosure: i too enjoyed mtg at one point in my life. mtg certainly contributed to making it a good life at the time. yes, we’re older. we have jobs. we have responsibilities. peers may mock. but put it this way: how many constructive hobbies/pasttimes do we have now? and anything that involves gambling/drugs/alcohol does not count.
in short: z, keep on keepin’ on. when i’m up in nyc, i may have to drop some mad science on your crappy decks. just don’t tell the wifey. yoink.
Sometimes, GQ, you’re like my brother from another mother. Other times I’m genuinely afraid you’re a friend of mine playing a cruel cruel joke on me.
Anybody know what “advice” WW is talking about? The only piece of advice I’m getting from that I probably shouldn’t date GQ’s girlfriend. Plus, what’s so weird about needing chips? As long as he wasn’t calling them “wizard fuel” or anything, I don’t see a problem.
I’ve got an MTG update coming tomorrow. Stay tuned…
I contemplated the same thought. The idea first crossed my mind when I spent half of my day downloading the robot videos and watching in anticipation for the failure that ensued.
Sadly; I don’t think it is the case, depending on your nerdy-ness the ip addresses attached to my post’s would prove that untrue.
You are already getting away with Friday night Xbox night. ( Brother, this is huge in the BF/GF negotiations )
Have your fun, but don’t fuck up what you already have going for you.
Pffffttttt… wizard fuel. Thats crazy.
Now if you mean calling the dip, the “elixir of life” than you might have a point. Not that I would ever do that.
Nope, not me.
Next time I see you, Little Brother, be prepared for a beat down like the time when you were 9. This Magic shit has gone on long enough. I have always protected you, sometimes from the evil empires of the playground, but mostly from the dumb-ass shit you do yourself. (Except the time I shaved lines into your eyebrows, and told you to wear parachute pants…)
GQS: You are what is called an “Enabler.”
BTW: Me and Thunder Lizard joined a kickball league. Adult kickball with the red rubber ball and everything! Although this time with beer. http://www.kickball.com. I am super excited. See you on the field, Dorks.
Bring your A game, because you’re going to feel really stupid when I refer to the fist I’m punching you with as “Fireball for 5 damage.”
I got only one word for you, “RRRuuuukin!” Or, now that I think about it it may be two words. Um, or even three. Either which way, I have a word for you that begins with the letter R.
It’s about time big bro.
This whole thing speaks to a lapse in your fraternal duties. You should have nipped this shit in the bud a long time ago. MTG, anything goth, and anything that involves wizards only exist because older brothers everywhere have failed to snuff that shit out with well timed humiliation and precision charlie horses.
Older siblings of the world unite!
Sure, he might sound reasonable now, but ask OG why he doesn’t use toothpaste.
You are what is called “jealous.”
… and kicking a bright red ball around a baseball feild exists because?
Pot meet kettle.
As long as there are girls involved in the kickball game:
not nerdy
In fact, participation level by attractive females is almost always inversely related to nerditude. And it’s not a linear relationship either, that shit looks like a titration curve. You can spend your weekends at the Ren. Fair and retain full Fonzi status, as long as you’re titty fucking the corsetted wench who sells those stupid hats.
I really set my nerd bashing back by mentioning titration curves, oh well.
I remember playing MTG (which I have never seen abbreviated before now) when I was 16. Though the group I played with had an average age of 30, it was about 40% female. One of them was actually pretty hot, but her gymnast/lifeguard boyfriend was pretty intimidating for my scrawny ass (she didn’t seem to be effected by a bright red 68 Camaro, oh well). So where was I going with this? oh yeah, is it nerdy if there were so many girls?
If you asked the OG Nerd he would say no, based on a abstract algebraic curve.
So the real answer is; yes, yes it is.
It all depends Pokey. Were you there escape into some fantasy world with elves and dragon whelps? or were you there to get a peak at her cleavage when she bent forward to put down a card?