Underpants On The Outside

Last season, I got into 24 quite a bit. Most people I know say it’s the best show on television, and I have to admit, I see their point. I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.

Jack’s Day, 6-7 pm:  The hour begins on a significant moment: Kim Bauer shows up at CTU.  I’ve mentioned a few times that I don’t understand why people hate Kim so much.  I can understand why girls hate her: she’s hot.  But guys hate her too, and that makes no sense. 

Well, it makes sense now.  Two sentences in and I realized that Elisha Cuthbert is one of the worst actresses of our generation.  But do you know why I was able to pay attention to her acting?  Because she was wearing a lot of clothes, which means the producers were really sleeping at the wheel.  Not like they care about plausibility, but the show takes place in Los Angeles, one of three cities on Earth where a woman could walk into a room glistening wet, wearing nothing but a bikini top, a pair of Daisy Duke shorts and flip-flops, and no one would bat an eye.  (San Diego and Miami are the other two.)  Someone please send Fox some copies of Maxim.

I’ll spare you the details of Kim’s initial interaction with Audrey, except to say that it was a meeting of two Level Four Buzzkills.  Several good times wandered into the room and were immediately shot in the head, execution-style.

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Last season, I got into 24 quite a bit. Most people I know say it’s the best show on television, and I have to admit, I see their point. I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.

Jack’s day, 5-6 pm:   First, Jack calls CTU to let everybody know that Robocop tried to kill him, and that Jack’s going to go to his house to hack into his computer.  CTU offers to send a tactical squad, but Jack rejects the idea, saying it’s better if he goes alone.  I don’t know what type of metal Jack’s balls are made out of, but his scrotum must be built like a suspension bridge.  The man is a one man tactical squad.  As for me, I try and leave work whenever there’s a fire drill.

After Jack arrives at the house, he approaches it with as much stealth as possible, which Audrey ruins by calling him to tell him about a probable terrorist attack on a hospital.   Remember he just got blown up.  He still has pieces of floor tile on his jacket, but Audrey needs him on the phone.  This is becoming an hourly occurrence for her.  It’s like the 24 writing staff has decided to compile every “bad girlfriend” trait they can think of and concentrate them in Audrey.  Next time Jack goes to CTU she’ll probably yell at him in front of Curtis and the Hobbit.

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Unfortunately, due to one roommate who got drunk at the office and came home late (you know who you are!), last night’s viewing of 24 was postponed to this evening.  So if you want the Jack Bauer post, come back in….

wait for it….

24 HOURS!  HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Man, that’s thematic!

This website is basically a testament to the nerdiness and awkwardness that’s been a part of my life since I was thirteen years old. I’m comfortable with that, but even though I can laugh at myself, in all honesty there are still days when I wish I was cooler. I wish I was more athletic, or taller, or wittier. I wish I looked like a young Paul Newman, or even old Paul Newman. I wish I could remember people’s names as well as I do the script of “The Dark Knight Strikes Again.”

Take a look at the couple below. That’s David and Lori, contestants on this season of The Amazing Race, and two of my most favorite people because they know exactly how nerdy they are and they couldn’t care less. It’s the very foundation of their relationship. You may look at them and think, “Here is a couple that solves their arguments with twenty-sided dice,” but you can’t deny that they look happy.

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I got published again.  Sweet.  (You might want to think twice before opening it at work.)

Underpants on the Outside is about two things: comic books and funny* stories.  However, the comic book clause also contains the Nerd Corollary: any subject nerdy enough to be enjoyed by a reasonable comic book fan is also included.  In that vein…

(*funny-ish, at least.)

For the past two years, I have volunteered on a robotics project at an all-girl high school in Manhattan.  I signed up for two reasons, neither of which are “duh, it’s an all-girl high school”.  First, I majored in electrical engineering.  Second, robots are AWESOME.  It would also be my chance to impart my knowledge onto eager, young minds, except the most important lesson I learned in college was: “Always make sure your lab partner has a thick Russian accent.” 

Last year, I almost blinded a girl with solder.  For some reason, I was invited back.  This year, I was cutting a piece of PVC pipe when it shattered, flinging a jagged piece that damn near hit a girl in the neck. 

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