Should’ve saved this for 2/14/07
Published April 24th, 2006 in A day in the lifeThere’s no easy way to say this: I’m the perfect boyfriend, and it’s not because I give my girlfriend orgasms at the superhuman rate of three per month. I have a certain way with words that tends to agree with women.
Take the other night, when I was on the phone with Wonder Woman. She mentioned some guy who might have some interest in her, and when she joked that I have competition, I whispered this sweet nothing to her:
“Please. You’re on my nuts like a barnacle.”
Hey, do you smell something? Because that line reeks of love. The best part was after ten seconds of listening to me laugh at my own joke, Wonder Woman asked, “This is going on the blog, isn’t it?”
I KNEW IT! Like clockwork, z.
Anyway, go to http://www.mermaid.com/barnacle.htm
My note to this company’s website would start, “Dear Mermaid, Is there an easy way to remove barnacles from my boyfriend’s nuts?”
According to the informative website, “The short answer is ‘no.’” Therefore, according to mermaid.com, I’m stuck. Awwww. REEKS of love.
Who knew love and stank-ass balls smelled so similar?
There is a time in every relationship when you realize that you are truely in love. The above is a perfect example of that.
It reminds me of the time I realized how much in love, I am with my fiance. During one of my Friday night / Saturday morning Halo adventures.
My fiance sat behind me and watched as I capture another flag and my team was up 4 to 2. When a young kid started to curse me and my team out. Just as I was about to respond, she grabbed the headset off my head and began to curse the punk kid until the he began to cry.
As she placed my headset back on my head, I knew at that moment that I would never love this woman more than I would ever love another person.
Z, that has to be the funniest thing I’ve read in months. All of it. The barnacles, the 10 seconds of laughing, and the blog prediction. It is a portrait of a woman putting up with, and being charmed by, the very same dorky hijinks.
And GQ, a similarly touching anecdote from you, though the perilous syntax at the end might land you in some hot water with your old lady. There’s still time to save yourself, and we’re pullin’ for ya.
If GQ called the woman his wife instead of fiance, he would have said. Dont touch my F%**$ing headphones while im playing biaaaaaatch. GQ is clearly still in the honeymoon period.
there’s a double kill bonus here too.
nuts the size of a whale. or a dock. or wherever barnacles “hang.”
course maybe z just has elefantiasis (sp?).
No, much like Wonder Woman, she had no problem with my double entendre.
I have no probleming allowing her to touch my headset, no problem at all.
Yes, probleming is a word. Just don’t use it in scrabble or literati for the nerd’s here.