Underpants On The Outside

Never mind why I was reading it, check this out from today’s Scoop (last item):

When Rolling Stone asked “24” tough guy Kiefer Sutherland what was the last movie he cried at, he replied: “The last movie I cried at? Oh, [bleep]. Oh, I’ll be honest with you. Oh, [bleep], I don’t know if I can. Oh, well. I think it was ‘Love, Actually.’ Yeah. I’m no different than anybody else.”

Cursing when you admit it doesn’t make you tougher, Keef; you’re still admitting that Love, Actually made you cry, which makes you different from plenty of people.  Like me.

Read more…

Well, today is my birthday.  Used to be, when people asked you what you wanted for your birthday, you got it.  When you get older…not so much.

Wonder Woman: What do you want for your birthday?

Z: Comic books.

WW: What else?

Z: Magic Cards.

WW: What else?

Z: For you to learn how to play Magic.

WW: Never mind.

Z: Grilled cheese and a blowjob?

WW: I said never mind.

Last season, I got into 24 quite a bit. Most people I know say it’s the best show on television, and I have to admit, I see their point. I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.

Jack’s day, 10-11 PM:   Whether it’s Shoeless Joe Jackson throwing the World Series or nipples on the Bat-suit, sooner or later our heroes let us down.  For the first time in hours of explosions, gun fights and hanging out with his buzz-kill girlfriend, Jack shows that he too is capable of fear and cruelty.  I already knew he was capable of cruelty, but I thought it was limited to terrorists and Audrey.

10:00 - The gas company just blew up, and no one can find any sign of Jack.  It’s very tense for anyone who has never seen or heard of the show; everyone else knows Jack is going to be fine.  Like clockwork, we see Jack’s silhouette through the smoke; clearly, he understands the importance of a good entrance.  He’s even got the Terrorist slumped over his shoulder.  Jack dumps the guy on the ground and though he’s unconscious, Jack’s yelling in his face and going through his usual pre-torture routine.  How high is his daily torture quota, anyway?   At this point, I suspect Jack gets frequent flier miles for these things. 

Read more…

Co-worker: “Do you think we need to hang on to these ‘IT Survival Guides’?”

Me: “I AM an IT Survival Guide.”

It’s either funny or sad that this is THE most bad-ass thing I’ve ever said, but I’ll leave it up to you, the readers, to decide.