Magic, the regathering: sinking to new lows
Published June 20th, 2006 in A day in the life, Magic: The GatheringIn the pursuit of nerditude, I recently decided to start playing Magic: The Gathering, after a ten-year hiatus. Let’s see how it’s going so far…
I have to admit something: I tried online dating for about a year spanning 2002-2003. I was ashamed at first, then amazed by the amount of time and effort it required, but in the end I couldn’t argue with the results: a series of dates with women I bestowed with well-deserved nicknames like “Limpy”, “Lumpy”, and “The Deuce”. (The first two are pretty self-explanatory; the Deuce was named after my best estimation of her weight, a good sixty to seventy pounds more than she listed on her profile.*) The experiment wasn’t a total failure, however; I got laid… with a girl who punched me in the face TWICE during sex. But that’s a story for a different time.
Now I’m turning back to the internet for a new type of relationship: Magic buddies. For some reason it is now easier for me to have sex than it is to play Magic, a typo in the natural order of the universe I suspect came from Y2K.
I’m certainly not the first nerd looking for a soulmate on the internet, but the only way I can think of finding buddies is to put an ad up on Craigslist, the internet’s answer to the Port Authority bus terminal, and the type of place I feel real comfortable leaving my inner child at 3AM. With any luck, someone in the New York area will be sitting at their computer and be struck by a sudden urge to search for “Magic the Gathering” while they wait to see if anyone is willing to give them a blowjob in exchange for an eightball. When they do, a lifelong friendship will be waiting for them.
I don’t see any way this could turn out badly.
*To be fair, I deserve some of the blame for the date going badly; I should’ve chosen a better way to greet her than “Whoa.”
The last time you used craigslist for more than a simple sale/trade, didn’t some chick snort up all your money and leave you homeless on the street?
Two words: “Neutral location.”
Actually, three words: “Mace” and “Neutral location.”
http://tribes.tribe.net/nycmagic
Who loves you.
That tribe site, and all of it’s members, are part of an elaborate plan by GQ to lure you to his lair.
there can be only one!
Also, this isn’t related to this particular post, but I couldn’t think of a better place to bring it up.
What’s the word on the new superman movie?
I heard that instead of being a reporter for the daily planet, he’s a “reporter” on some E channel celebrity gossip show. Is this true? or just some internet rumor? If it’s true, that is the g##### (self censored, saving the z man some work) shit I’ve ever heard. Who is Jimmy these days? The flaming fashion commentator? Oh, Lois can be Terra Reed.
GQ: If I didn’t think you were so awesome, I might be afraid of you. I couldn’t even guess how many times I’ve been asked “You REALLY don’t know that guy?”
Robbb: I will certainly have mace on me, but in spell form. All wizard battles must be conducted at neutral locations, preferably away from spectators who could be harmed by errant lightning bolts and berzerk ogres.
OG: The purist in me says that if Clark Kent works as an entertainment reporter, I will shit myself in the theater as a sign of protest. But as Wonder Woman can tell you I’m pretty far from pure, and when I think about it more, it kinda makes sense. The dude has X-ray vision and can fly. I can’t imagine a more perfect source of blind-item rumors and invasive photographs.
In terms of mace, I reccomend that you take an actual mace. That would be much more intimidating than either the spell or the pepper spray. It would probably score you some big nerd points too.