First of all, Bill Murray would bury Reese Witherspoon. (First of all addendum: “eleven aging llamas”?? Are we doing a Madlib? It reminded me of that terrible Christmas when my true love gave me five moldy things and a pigeon in a fig-tree.)

Second of all, there has never been and will never be such a thing as a “lavish Tex-Mex dinner”.

Third of all, anyone who knows me knows that if no one’s laughing, I will repeat a joke AT LEAST three more times or until someone says, “Give it up, dude.”

Lastly, I think you’ve overestimated how important it is for me that you learn to play Magic.

The technique: incompatible behavior (Trainers train the animals to perform a behavior that could not be performed at the same time as an undesirable behavior.)
Scene #1: Z and I are renting a movie, when Z begins to head for wherever they keep movies starring Bill Murray.
WW: Hey babe? Can you hold these eleven aging llamas? I don’t want them to get hurt.
Z: …Sure, I guess. Can you grab one of those copies of Groundhog Day/Ghostbusters/Stripes…
WW: Hey, When Harry Met Sally!

The technique: rewarding a desirable behavior
Scene #2: Z and I have just eaten a lavish Tex-Mex dinner. The waiter drops off the bill.
Z: I’ll pick this one up, WW.
WW: Really? Sooo sweet. Here’s a free mint (which benefits WW too, since Z just ate a ton of onions).

The technique: Least Reinforcing Syndrome (This is when trainers ignore negative behaviors, waiting instead for a good behavior to reward.)
Scene #3: Z and I watching Chappelle’s Show.
Z: “I’m rich, biotch!”
WW: (blankly staring)
Z: (a little louder, since WW didn’t laugh the first time) “I’m rich, biotch!”
WW: (still blankly staring)
Z: No really. I won the NY Lotto last night. “I’m rich, biotch!”
WW: I love you, babe.

And for my final scene, I’d like to show how these techniques can be combined.
Scene #4: Z and I are walking down a crowded street in Soho. A hot, male model with sexy-with-rock-hard abs-and-biceps (but I digress) walks by.
Z: You probably thought he was cute.
WW: (blankly staring)
Another, equally mouth-watering guy walks by, this time in a tight tee shirt.
Z: Now, he was hot.
WW: Not as hot as you. (WW hands Z a cupcake)
Amazingly, yet another attractive guy walks by.
Z: If I was going to sleep with a guy, I’d probably pick one like that.
WW: I’ve been meaning to learn how to play Magic with you, Z.
Another attractive guy walks by, a little hot and sweaty from the midday heat.
Z: Let’s have a threesome with him. Look at his guns!
WW: Wow, Z. I thought you’d NEVER agree! (hands Z a wad of cash to buy a stack of comic books)
An attractive girl walks by.
Z: On second thought, let’s have a threesome with her.
WW: (blankly staring while relieved that she merely handed Z play Monopoly money and equally pleased that she snagged Z’s credit card at the restaurant earlier)