Swim Trunks on the Outside
Published July 27th, 2006 in A day in the lifeNow that she is done with the bar, Wonder Woman: Fun Edition is taking your humble narrator on a week-long Bahamanian vacation starting tomorrow. Yes, that’s right. I said ‘taking me’, thanks to her reckless spending habits and the frequent flier miles they rack up. For the next several days, my biggest concern is going to be sand in my condom. (BTW, if anybody’s got some tips for how to avoid that, I’m all ears…and a penis.)
Some of you may be wondering, “Why do you get a vacation? You didn’t do dick!” To which I would reply, “Didn’t I?” (I would also raise one eyebrow, probably the left one.) After all, didn’t I have to deal with a girlfriend who cried all the time, flew off the handle at the slightest provocation, and most heinous of all, stopped sleeping with me???
The answer is actually no: I didn’t have to deal with any of those things. WW did an amazing job of maintaining her cool over the last few months. Still, I’ve had to live under a constant threat of “crazy-ass girlfriend” like a Bengal tiger lurking outside by bedroom. It could be argued that I need this vacation even more than she does. I’m not going to argue that because I’m going to be sitting next to her on a plane for several hours, but it could be argued.
I don’t plan on doing much over the next few days except lying out in the sun and probably burning my significantly large forehead, but I’m taking my computer (nnnnnnnNNNNNNNERD!) and I’ll try and post a couple times. And sometime between all the humping and drinking blended beverages on the beach, I’ll miss you guys.
I can only share from my personal experiences, some words of caution. One time when Thuder Lizard and I were on a much needed vacation in Trinidad and Tobago we (and I am not sure why) decided to rub vaseline all over our bodies and get crazy-slip-n-slide in the bed. In the middle of the happy sliding I decided to get a glass of water and noticed that the water in the hotel wasn’t running. Upon calling the front desk we learned that the water for the general area that we were in had been turned off for the next 12 hours!
It was a greasy couple hours, cut short by our decision to go soap off in the pool.
So beware of…erm…well beware of things.
Congratulations Wonder Woman. Big test done.
that’s hilarious. i’ll strike crazy-slip-n-slide-with-vaseline off the list (but only if there’s a water prob).
correction, z. we’re going to the Caribbean, not the Bahamas. but there will be sand, surf and such, all the same.
whatever. I’m not the brains of this operation.
Which Island?
If I may ask.
Turks and Caicos. That’s really the extent of my knowledge here.
two important questions:
do you hump the tropical drinks before you drink them?
and did you or did you not do dick whilst WW was busy preparing for the bar, because if that’s all it takes to send you to the other team she has her work cut out for her…
Big Brother & Thunder Lizard’s trip to Trinidad & Tobago and Tobago sounds like an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”… or one of those Red Stripe commercials:
“BOO poorly planned sexual experimentation! HOORAY BEER!!!”
I have thousands of pounds of both vaseline and mineral oil in 55 gallons drums. I even keep the vasiline warmed to just above body temperature so that it is a liquid.
Now I just need a girlfriend
you guys (ww and z) are doing the post-bar trip right. my partner and i did new zealand, in the middle of winter. not the most relaxing move by any stretch. oh well. familial duty called.
oh, and the vaseline/slip n slide pool wash off sounds revolting.
Just for the record Robbb hit a homerun with HOORAY BEER!!!.
Brilliant.
Thanx Shmoove.