Well, I didn’t have to put the seat back down…
Published August 9th, 2006 in A day in the lifeA unfinished list of “things that suck when your bathroom lightbulb burns out at 10pm”:
1) Whose toothbrush was that?
2) I just washed my nether regions with conditioner…and I think I liked it.
3) Sitting down to pee.
If only I didn’t live with girls I could have gone with the tried and true Sonar Method:
Step 1: Pee.
Step 2: Turn in a circle.
Step 3: When it sounds like you’ve hit water, stop.
Or you could do what one of my old roomate’s boyfriends did …
Stumble to bathroom.
Try and fail miserably to find the light switch.
Pee.
Do the one-hand on the wall steady-stance, meanwhile zigging your zag.
Wonder why girls hang so many clothes on the shower curtain rod.
Wonder why you aren’t hearing water.
Wonder why girls leave so many shoes on the floor in the bathroom.
Wonder why you are getting splashed a bit on your ankles.
Stumble out of bathroom.
Crash into a bed, couch, and armoir… what the hell are these doing in the hallway?
Wait a second…. gosh that bathroom seemed a lot like a closet.
If your roomates every complain about you z… tell them this story. On the other hand, keep your closet locked when their dumbass boyfriends show-up.
What about…
1. Change the lightbulb.
2. Pee
3. Wipe spillage up with toilet paper*
* Ladies its not our fault. If our penis had a laser sight on it, it still wouldn’t matter. 9 times out of 10 we have no idea what direction its going to head in. Only after we have some sort of an idea of velocity and direction does aiming mean anything.
Ceilings: approximately 10 feet
Z: approximately a lot shorter than that
Z plus tiptoes plus tallest chair in the apartment: still too short, and our landlord is the only one with a ladder.
In regards to aiming, I’ve found that my accuracy improves if I shoot for the bathtub.
what about tallest chair on tallest table?
How many short jewish guys does it take to change a light bulb?
I don’t have a good answer to this one, but I encourage all commenters to put their best answer forward.
I now understand z’s delima.
In regards to OG’s question. I would answer zero as we all know the Jews have all the money and do not do physical labor. They would just pay someone to do it.*
* The above comment was of my own will, please dont hold the people of underpantsontheoutide responsible. **
** The above statement was to cover z and his administrative stance, since I have crossed lines in the past. Even though I did not mean to.
In regards to the tallest chair on tallest table thought exercise: it’s really not so bad to sit down/pee in the tub, and if you saw the state of our table, you would not want to stand on it. If I ever make a particularly heavy pot roast I’m going to serve it from the floor.
What’s going to be really funny* is if I come home to find out that our bi-weekly housekeeper changed the bulb.
*By “be really funny”, I of course mean “fill me with white guilt.”
since z has revealed that the tub is now playing toilet, i just bought a pair of flip-flops to wear in his shower. now i’m thinking of returning them for a pair of knee-high puddle jumpers since i just remembered that his tub sometimes doesn’t drain very quickly.
I suggest peeing all overthe bathroom and blaming it on a dog. You have to get a dog first. Also make pee in locations which could have plausible been peed on by dog.
My dog peed on the carpet at work today. The lights were on. I’ll bet no one ever knows.
R. Kelly would love this post.
So would Mel Gibson.