Yet another reason why my bed is magical
Published August 15th, 2006 in MiscellaneousDuring my junior year in college I experienced a sexual dry-spell of several months. On the suggestion of some friends, I went out and spent more money than I could afford on a very nice mattress in the sentiment of ”If you build it, they will come (and more importantly so will you).” All of a sudden I had a brand new feather-top queen-size mattress when everybody else had university-issued cots tainted with a majority of the Hepatitis alphabet; within weeks I was hosting sleepovers of a very adult nature.
To this day that bed has worked like a charm, and I think my girlfriend would agree except after reading this she’ll probably be setting fire to it. But just because I’m doin’ the dew like clockwork doesn’t mean things couldn’t get even better, so if anybody wants to get me a levitating bed that costs a million and a half dollars, I’ve got the perfect place to put it. Eight nights of Chanukah could ensure a lifetime of humping.
I would like to hear from the engineers on this one. My guess is the bed is just part of the deal. They conveniently leave out the humongous power supply, not to mention huge-ass batter backup to keep this fucker levitated. I would imagine this is not build on those super strong magnets from Bed Bath and Beyond.
And how exactly does this magnetic thing account for weight and pressure differences during sex and the like? Nope. I don’t trust this levitating bed one bit. Sounds like a good way to get launched right out of the penthouse window when one of those little zip-ties holding it in place breaks.
There was a bed suspended by chains at Cloyne Court Hotel and Casino. Apparently during “athletic nocturnal events” there was more than one case where the people got seasick. I’m sure alcohol was involved, but still it shows that we humans aren’t so prepared for bizarre motion while we’re sleeping.