Pimp My Desk
Published October 26th, 2006 in A day in the lifeThe other day my manager handed out fifty dollar bills. For a second I expected a slap on the ass and an invitation to go get myself “something special”, but instead I was told to make the house look nice, just in case the boss comes over for dinner.
Actually, she informed us we’re having a cubicle-decorating competition. Now my first thought was, “Crepe paper: two dollars. Magic the Gathering cards: 48 dollars. Not having a cubicle that looks like a sixth-grade diorama: priceless.” (Also, that my company’s sense of economics worries me, since they’ve given out fifty dollars to spend on a contest where the prize (a fleece) is worth forty. I should ask for a raise.) But at the same time, I don’t really want to be THAT guy: y’know, the kid who shows up to school on Halloween without a costume and then makes up some pretentious line about how he’s dressed as Holden Caulfield.
So I’m coming to you guys for help. Now, obviously I don’t want to spend all fifty dollars. That would be dumb. I don’t even want to spend 25 dollars. I want the cubicle equivalent of throwing a bedsheet over my head, poking some holes, and calling myself a ghost. But if I could win on a budget, that’d be the best.
My first idea for a theme was “This place will be the death of me”, and decorating my cube to look like the inside of an Iron Maiden or the Trash Compactors on the Death Star. But that’s pretty lame. Then Wonder Woman and I came up with going to Chinatown, getting a bunch of cheap Chinese trinkets and Mao posters, throwing them around my cubicle and telling everyone that my job got outsourced to China. It’s both topical and potentially offensive, particularly when I line the cube next to me with M-80’s and signs that say “Taiwan”.
So that’s the best we got, and I invite you guys to do better. You guys never respond whenever I ask you for submissions, but like a one-legged punter, I keep fooling myself into believing that things will turn out differently next time.
This may be one of those cliche things to do in the old pimp my desk competition, but what if you did it just like pimp my ride (but on the way-cheap). I know you can get those cheap spinners for, like, $10. Couple rear-view mirrors, a sheep chair covers, bobbly head dash board ornaments. Or, go to the junk yard and get yourself some stuff out of a real car.
Boom or Totally Lame?
And how about some colored lights to shine from under your desk.
You’ll need to replace your mouse with one of those steering wheel joysticks.
You could also probably get a bag of asphalt and pave your cube on that budget.
Give a homeless person $10 for his blanket. Throw it over the cubicle. Cut a hole in it. Call it your “fort” and invite the secretaries to play cowboys and Indians.
“You guys never respond whenever I ask you for submissions, but like a one-legged punter, I keep fooling myself into believing that things will turn out differently next time.”
The above made me sad.
You should make it look like the Justice League Hall of Justice and have Wonder Woman show up in her costume.
pic plz.
I say you go to the Mexican part of town and get a virgin of guadalupe dash board cover (fuck the spinners, Big Brother, those are so 2005). Somehow find an audio of La Cucaracha and everytime a girl walks by lower your chair (like hydrolics) and play the audio while saying “hey mami”. Don’t forget to hang a rosary.
If all else fails, make your desk up like Lucy’s psychiatric help desk (5 cents). I bet you find out all kinds of unwanted information about your co-worker.
TL
I like the car idea. But might I add that you will definitely need some pine trees. Especially if you want your co-workers to stay away, pull like 5 out of the bag all at once. You might be able to taste anything other than fake peach for a good couple of months but it will definitely keep them away.(Please tell me I am not the only jackass that didn’t think it necessary to read the directions on a freakin’ AIR FRESHENER and almost asphyxiated myself the first time I got one?)
Bakatursky speakst truth. But I say go for the pine trees.
I like the idea for Lucy’s psychiatry booth. It’s very cheap and interactive. What about if you went with that general lay out, but wrote “Arguements - 5 cents” or “Insults - 5 cents” on the facade instead.
“oh that’s cute, it’s just like peanuts except it says insults for 5 cents”
“Do you have a nickle?
“Okay, here you go”
“Get away from my desk you fat bitch!”