Underpants On The Outside

At the time, I never got around to making any new year’s resolutions.  When the clock struck twelve I had a belly full of clams and white wine, and I’ve sort of reached the point in my life where I look forward to midnight on new years because that means I can finally go to sleep.  (This year I made it all the way to 12:15 - go me.) 

The way I see it, new year’s resolutions are a lot like a liberal arts education; meaningless tidbits that no one else is actually interested in and only sound good as long as you never try to apply them to actual life.  For instance, I can resolve to be a kinder person all I want; it’s not going to make putting Wonder Woman in the “Dutch Oven” any less amusing. 

But while I may have not made any formal resolutions, my actions so far this year would suggest a series of subconscious decisions about how I’m going to live my life differently over the next twelve months.  If I were to examine my behavior over the last week, I could only conclude the following:

My eating habits, particularly those involving bacon, suggest that I’ve set my sights on weighing 220 by mid-March.  I’m wisely chosen to waste less of my precious time and money on the pointless pursuits of dishes and laundry, which dovetails nicely with my other resolution to incorporate wrinkled shirts and five o’clock shadow into my everyday work outfit.  It would appear that nostalgia drove my resolution to re-introduce the Xbox and Halo back into my life, following a year of neglect after I allowed myself to be sidetracked by a girlfriend and an attempt at a writing career.  Proper nouns are to be replaced by “dude” and “shit” whenever possible, and in the future I will endeavor to avoid the following vices: Exercise, 8 Hours of Sleep, Shampoo and Vitamin C in general.  (So far my ability to go “cold-turkey” has been nothing short of astonishing.  Obviously, I have to continue to take it “one day at a time”, but I’m looking forward to an exciting 2007.  After all, how many people can honestly say they’ve ever had scurvy?  C’mon – show of hands.)  I’ve also resolved to post on my blogs once every six months and spend no less than a quarter of my income on comic books.  

Okay, they’re not the most conventional resolutions, but it’s not like I was really going to go to the gym or stop drop-kicking puppies.  Maybe in ’08.

*I’m also going to make a concerted effort to read Tooth Fairy’s new blog “The Ocean View Chronicles”.   Turns out my dad’s a pretty good writer if you’re into that sort of thing.  Go check it out (particularly if you’re a single lady) before some new gadget captures his attention and he abandons the project entirely.  (If he’s still blogging in mid-April, keep your eye out for the inevitable post beginning with, “Forgot Z’s birthday again…”)

**I finally got around to writing a new Superhero Diary.  Sweet.