What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours (3 of 3)
Published February 21st, 2007 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good, but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 3-4 PM: Okay, home stretch. Now a question: You’ve just been blown up because your ex-girlfriend betrayed you. What do you do?
a) Call up your buddy Will who totally told you that that chick sucked, and you should have burned that bridge a long time ago?
b) Call your buddy Curti- oh….nevermind this option.
c) Order up a tac-squad and climb back on the killing horse.
Pretty much answers itself, doesn’t it? When Jack comes to, the widow and the hunk from IT are running from some bad guys, who have chased them to an alley that does not exist in any parts of West L.A. I know of. What cracks me up is that they’ve run like three blocks and the Widow is huffing and puffing in a full fledged asthma attack. And I’m supposed to believe she had sex with Jack? Please.
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours (2 of 3)
Published February 20th, 2007 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good, but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 2-3 PM: Let’s keep it going! After successfully disarming the rotary phone nuke, Jack is heading back to CTU. Perhaps I’m projecting, but given the time of day, I bet Jack could also use CTU’s men’s room to fight some intestinal terrorism. Just because you can deactivate a bomb in front of a ton of dudes and corpses in a room where some guy got his shoulder drilled doesn’t mean it’s easy to drop one there. (Yeah, I know those were two redundant and terrible scatological jokes. I’m fine with that.)
Note: As Jack is driving back to CTU, I come up with several contrived reasons to shout “You gave him something that WORKED???” at my roommates. (See the previous entry.) For instance: “Hey, Mary, could you pass me that bottle opener?” (Mary passes bottle opener; I open bottle.) “Thanks, but…YOU GAVE ME SOMETHING THAT WORKED???” It’s never funny.
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published February 20th, 2007 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good, but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 1-2 PM: Jack’s in a chopper, but since they don’t know where the kidnapped CTU tech is, I have to imagine they’re just sort of tooling around. This would be a good time for Jack to see all of the parts of L.A. that aren’t abandoned oil derricks, warehouses and sparsely used freeways. Y’know…the real parts.
A Valentine’s Day Game of Chicken/Fencing/Chess
Published February 15th, 2007 in A day in the lifeYesterday was Valentine’s Day, which as we all know is the official day of Complaining about Valentine’s Day. We all know the story: you’re single, staring at the bottom of —-*, and telling the dog why all women fucking suck, even though your description of “all women” sounds suspiciously like that of the first girl to cheat on you inexplicably crossed with your seventh grade English teacher. I’m done with that. I’m gonna complain about GUYS on Valentine’s Day.
If you’re in a relationship and you’re a guy, then when you talk with other guys it becomes this weird game of Valentine’s Day Chicken. Ostensibly the goal is to have the best complaint about having to get your girlfriend/fiancé/wife something; that’s the car, speeding towards the cliff. The cliff is being pussy whipped**, and if your complaint goes one inch too far, you’re crushed and on fire at the bottom of it.
There are actually three variations of this game:
1) The Tim Allen Version: To see who can complain the most about having to spend money, time and effort on V-day, because as we all know, women are our ruin. (Note: despite the name, this is not an undesirable prize. Since men rarely have to work with guns, pick-axes or chainsaws anymore, this is the modern day version of the “Who has the biggest scar” game.)
2) The Gentleman Version: To have a five minute discussion about your V-day plans WITHOUT complaining. (This version is usually played when other women are within earshot, who being mere hours away from yet another date with Cherry Garcia, will ache with longing for a boyfriend as good as the winner, and spend the next three months throwing themselves at him relentlessly.)
3) The Switcheroo Version: To lure one’s opponent to complain TOO much about V-day. Winner gets to imply that the loser is pussy-whipped. Didn’tcha see the cliff…?
The biggest problem is that you never know which version of the game you’re playing until a winner is decided.
After the jump, an example.
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published February 13th, 2007 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good, but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
(WARNING: This is one of the longest 24 posts ever. Go grab a cup of coffee.)
Jack’s Day, 12 Noon – 1:00 PM: I know it’s been a while since I posted one of these. In fact, I’m officially late after last night’s episode. Well…what can I say? My mom came to see me a couple weeks ago, and she wasn’t beating around the bush when she said “you look like shit.”
As you may remember, Jack’s starting off the lunch hour in a van on his way to someplace where he and his Dad are going to be killed by men working for Jack’s brother. What I will never be able to articulate is the complete lack of shock on the faces of Jack and his father. It makes me wish I could see what a Bauer family Christmas is like. You know there isn’t so much as a light or stocking hung, a present bought, or a ham ordered until the night of December 23rd. Because all that stuff it takes you and your family a month to do? They do it in 24 HOURS. (Not to mention they cut their own tree down with a nail file.)
(Also, since I spend way too much time on this sort of thing, I spent ten minutes imagining a scene with Mama Bauer tied to a chair in the kitchen, both of her thumbs broken, and Jack standing over her screaming “ARE YOU MY SECRET SANTA? TELL ME!” This made me giggle.)
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published February 2nd, 2007 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good, but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I’m going to compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 11-12 Noon:
11:06: Jack unbags his little brother, who starts crying. Jack wants to know where Dad is, but Little Brother swears he doesn’t know. More crying. Jack’s about to bag him again on the pretense that he doesn’t believe him, but I think it’s also that Jack is uncomfortable with the sound of men crying. Gasping: fine. Pleading: great. Death rattling: wonderful. But crying gives him the willies.