Underpants On The Outside

A link to a “Ask Yahoo” article appeared on my gmail yesterday morning, with the title, “Is the postmaster general really a general?”  I immediately clicked through, because these things are always amusing, particularly when they start off on such a stupid foot.  I was not disappointed.  (I don’t want to steal their content, so go read it if you want to know what I’m talking about.)

First of all, I love the faux-casual tone Yahoo answers with (I highlighted the text):  “The postmaster general (PMG) has one of the coolest job titles in the United States government… you need a shrewd business sense to compete with UPS, FedEx, and, of course, that darn Internet… The current postmaster general is a fella named Jack Potter.”  Oh, Yahoo, you dialectic scamp!  It’s damn near impossible to understand you through all that down-home country slang!

Now what if I was working at Yahoo when Frank from New Orleans wrote in his question (and I didn’t care about my job)?  Let’s find out.  For the sake of comparability, I will also write my answer in an informal, conversational tone.

What’s up, Frankie!

Whoooooooooa Nellie, that’s one hounddog of a question!  Now here’s your answer: hell, yeah, the Postmaster General’s a general!  And if he hears you ever questioning his authority, he’s gonna order a ‘code red’ on your ass.  Also, you’d better not think that this is a job that just anybody can do.  You have to earn that bad-ass title.  The dude in office now, Jack “Don’t Call Me Harry” Potter, earned two degrees before he enlisted in the Post Guard and worked his way through the ranks to be the Big Cheese.

He is a prominent member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, along with the Surgeon General and the General Manager of the Yankees.  In fact, most people don’t know that their mailmen are colonels – you should be saluting them.  They are fighting a war – a war against people like you and me, who choose to use these newfangled “internets” rather than pencil and paper like proper Americans.   ”Snail mail” wasn’t too slow for ol’ Ben Franklin, the first Postmaster General.  He killed the King of England with his bare hands so that you and I could have the right to send mail.  To support his recent efforts, the Postmaster General was granted the power to raise the price of stamps as part of the Patriot Act.  (Now, that’s what I call a Stamp Tax!  Know what I’m sayin’? ….Frank?)

K.I.T., B.F.F.!

-Y!

I almost called this post, “Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid (for different reasons) Answer”.  Oh, and when it comes to the coolest job title in the U.S. Govt., I’m going to go with “Majority Whip.”  Most offensive sounding:  “Minority Whip”.