These Memories Last a Lifetime
Published February 26th, 2008 in A day in the lifeGetting engaged is awesome. (Even when it doesn’t go according to plan.) I’m confident that getting married will be awesome. The stuff in between has an awful strong tendency to suck.
Let me be clear from the outset: I’m not doing SHIT. It’s been strongly suggested to me that I should never forget that this wedding is Wonder Woman’s day. What she says goes, and unless she wants my opinion, I shouldn’t do a thing. I like not doing a thing, and besides, Wonder Woman plans everything we do anyway. In our two-man organization, she is officially the Vice President in charge of Social Coordination. (She also holds the titles of Chief Wardrobe Officer and Executive Gift Chooser.)
Yet even with my minimal involvement, planning this wedding still manages to blow from time to time. It’s been brought to my attention that I have way too many friends and way too little money, and in one of life’s great injustices I can’t sell my friends.
I don’t even know how many times we’ve gone over the guest list. When all is said and done, if you’re a friend of mine and you get invited to the wedding, (and I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you… Dad) it’s only because I couldn’t think of a reason why you suck. That’s right: things have come to the point where I find myself searching for reasons to dislike my friends. Remember that time we ordered pizza but you were out of cash? If you never paid me back, you better BELIEVE you’re not invited. (Though we will gladly accept that $4.50 from 2001 as a wedding present, if you’d like.)
Okay, for serious: for any of you who don’t make the cut, I want you to know that this isn’t easy for us. Please believe that you are in our hearts and minds, and understand that this decision isn’t about you. It just came down to the fact that you, y’know, eat. And you drink. And we can’t have that sort of thing going on all willy-nilly. So if you’re looking for someone to blame, perhaps you should look in a mirror…
BTW, here are a couple tips for anyone else out there tying the knot soon.
1) When your fiancé gets stressed out about planning this thing, don’t say, “Well, look at it this way: you’re learning some valuable lessons for the next time…”
2) Instead of “fiancé”, do not refer to your bride-to-be as “Ball with Chain Pending.” It’s not as funny as you think it is.
More tips to come as I learn them the hard way…
No invitation? But (sniff, sniff)I’ve already made reservations. Anyway, it’s nice to see you’ve scratched the surface on all the fun that is headed your way.
The Schrödinger’s cat of the situation is this:
you aren’t actually allowed to do anything, nor have an opinion of your own, but if she realizes that you aren’t doing anything or that you don’t have an opinion about something, you get to welcome a multiple hour discussion that may or may not end in tears from her side, and you sitting there wondering what part of the discussion you missed.
Loads of fun. Nonstop.
Don’t worry man. The second one is much easier, and the third one is a flat out breeze.
Tell WW there are better times ahead!
My work colleague, Tom, is a very close friend. When I got engaged, I used to vent to him about the ever-sprawling size of our guest list. One day, unprompted, Tom said: “You don’t have to invite me. Or my family. It’s my present to you.”
This kind of exchange might have meant something different and awful if we were both women. But between two dudes, it is the most thoughtful wedding present ever. It did not mean that he didn’t want to attend or share the moment with us or witness our joy and bliss. It simply meant… he understood.
So. My friend. Achtung. If you’re feeling pinched, you do not have to invite me. That is my present to you. It does not mean that I wouldn’t want to be there.
It means, from one groom to another, that I understand.
-_RB
I am not trying to start anything, but from my view of the rough draft guest list it looked like WW had a lot more names on there than you did. When you start the official cuts just remember one thing, the guest list should be filled with people that you eventually want to do tequila shots with at the end of the night and not people that you have to ask the question “how do you know them?”
thunder’s advice is second only to her excellent taste in tequila. i’d put my listenin’ ears on when she’s around.
errr….uh….
My list is longer now. For real. This would be a lot easier, Thunder, if your parents were jerks.
My parents are the ones you and WW will be having shots of tequila with. Can you say the same for “? Wolpert” (a direct copy and paste from the preliminary list)?
…And so it begins…
I am so glad I’m on WW’s side of the family. My invite will not be revoked. But I apologize for our family being so large with so many people we don’t actually like that much. I say invite them all late and cross out the rsvp date on the invite. can’t say it hasn’t been done before…
wedding planning is the worst. be prepared to be the subject of everyone’s anger- before i planned a wedding, i was totally unaware that napkins could inspire so much rage in so many people.
Just don’t invite Forrest. That is what we did.