Underpants On The Outside

Okay, here’s my question:

Say I were to show up at an ex-girlfriend’s house.  I interrupt whatever she’s doing, but it’s important, I say – I have a message for her that she really needs to hear.

I admit that our breakup was tough on me.  A lot of the things she said hurt me at the time.  But after a while, I started to see what she was talking about.  I WAS taking her for granted. I HAD become boring and stale.  And if I was really being honest with myself, I couldn’t blame her for wanting to see other guys.

But things were different now.  Because of her I’d changed a lot of things about my life – I was getting out more, trying new things.  I wasn’t a different person, but I was a better person than I had been.  And I wanted her back.

Would that work?  HELL NO.  So then why do I want to try that new Domino’s pizza so badly! Why?!?  What did they do that I didn’t?

Well, they didn’t cry, for one.  But that just means they don’t love me as much as I loved her.  My hypothetical ex-girlfriend, that is.

Or maybe I should have painted my dick with garlic butter.