Paging Dr. Z
Published March 1st, 2010 in A day in the life, MiscellaneousA very dear friend of mine is now nine months AND ONE WEEK pregnant. She’s gone on Facebook, asking people for suggestions for what she can do to pass the time while she waits on the kid.
Personally, I think she’s looking at this problem all wrong. Why so passive? She’s the kids mother, for crying out loud! It’s never too early to start teaching good manners, starting with: it’s rude to be late to an appointment.
So here are my top 6 8 things she can do about her (adorable I’m sure) little wombguest who, quite frankly, is starting to overstay his/her welcome.
1) Playskool’s “My First Eviction Notice.”
2) Invite friends over. Make it sound like there’s a totally awesome party going on just outside your vagina.
3) Put speakers against your belly and start playing Metallica. Psychological warfare.
4) Take a rolling pin. Start just below the breasts, and work your way down. (Be careful, obviously. You don’t want to hurt the kiddo – you just want to let him know you’re not messing around.)
5) Smoke ‘em out.
6) Pacifier + fishing pole = baby. For the line, I’d say a ten pound test oughta do ‘er.
7) Find something to do – something where the absolute most inconvenient thing that could happen during it would be to have a baby. For instance: drive to Los Angeles.
8) Start baking cookies. Stand near oven. (True, this is similar to #2. But everyone loves cookies.)
How ’bout it, Underpants readers? Any more?
Have sex.
When kids see their parents having sex up close, they want to run out of the room in disgust.
First, you said Top 6 – there are 8.
Robbb – that’s a good way to dent the little ‘uns forehead.
My sugggestion, jump up and down.
I tried to flush out some gophers once by flooding their tunnels with a garden hose.
Good catch, Spidey. Those last two were a bonus.
Ari decided to come out 3 weeks after due date!
That’s an adventure.