What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published January 27th, 2010 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24, though most of the time I’m just impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day. Enjoy.
Jack’s Day, 8-9pm:
Last night, I had an awesome “throwback” 24-viewing experience, as I had the pleasure of watching it in the company of Ex-Roommate Mary. Ex-Roommate Mary was part of the group that first introduced me to 24, and I still enjoy watching it in that group environment. Wonder Woman doesn’t watch the show, and each week I keep forgetting how fine the line is between “really awesome Jack Bauer impression” and “You’re being an asshole. Now untie me and put the kitchen knife back in the drawer.” At least Ex-Roommate Mary understands my humor.
The only downside to this arrangement was that Ex-Roommate Mary hadn’t seen the first four episodes. Hm. I wonder where she could read really long but somewhat amusing recaps of those epis- OH WAIT I’M TALKING ABOUT THIS SITE. Do you know what it feels like to try and describe four hours of 24? I guarantee the writing staff of the show doesn’t. It’s not pleasant.
On that note… ON WITH THE SHOW!
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published January 21st, 2010 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24, though most of the time I’m just impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day. Enjoy.
When we last left Jack, he was chasing down Chloe’s longshot lead on a guy who may have framed the reporter… oh, you either watch the show or you don’t care. Let’s just agree that Jack has to find out where some guy went once. If Fox wants me to recap better, they’ll stop showing four-hour premieres.
6:05 PM: Jack shows up at the corner of “Broadway and West 23rd, in Queens.” At the time the show aired, I was SURE that such a location does not exist – that they had just thrown together three New York sounding locations, like, the corner of Statue of Liberty and Yankee Stadium, in the East River. Turns out, I don’t know shit. There is a Broadway and 23rd in Queens. I will never disbelieve anything I see or hear on this show again. The only error is that you’d never call it West 23rd, as Queens is east of Manhattan. In your face, 24 writers!
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published January 19th, 2010 in 24, TelevisionAlright, you know what time it is. Like every season, Fox makes me work for it, with two two-hour episodes to open the season. Let’s do this.
Jack’s Day, 4 – 5pm: For some reason, at the beginning of every season, they feel it necessary to remind people that “Events occur in real time.” I think it’s safe to assume by now that everyone in America has taken a ride on this show’s one-trick pony. That being said, I kinda wish I could experience the unadulterated joy of someone who has been struggling through the show for four or five years (but always turning on the first episode twenty seconds too late) and finally… in one glorious moment… it all makes sense.
This season, Jack is in New York. I live in New York, and there have been a ton of ads with the tag line, “This season, New York gets Jacked.” Even if “jacked” wasn’t a euphemism for “mugged”, this is still a phenomenally poor piece of copy writing. Let me put it this way – knowing Jack Bauer, would you ever want your son or daughter getting “jacked?” No, because it would either involve death, dismemberment, or semen in the face. Well, don’t do that to the place where I live, Fox.
What a Difference a Day Makes: Holy Fuck We’re Finally Caught Up
Published February 24th, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 5-6 PM: I can’t think of an intro. Jack is in cuffs, and Evil is free to walk the land.
5:03 PM: The Scumbag talks to OH MY GOD ONE MORE CORRUPT FEDERAL AGENT. At least this one’s finally a chick. Last season was an endless stream of bad guys. That was lame. So this year it’s going to be an endless stream of bad guys PRETENDING to be good guys. Muuuuuuch better.
5:05 PM: Jack and the Redhead are trying to talk their way out of arrest, and they are put into a squad car. The Redhead deduces that the Colonel must know what’s going on, and the Waitress is going to get killed. She reminds Jack that they shouldn’t have put her in danger. Jack in turn reminds her that they didn’t have a choice. It was a week to us watching at home, but they had this conversation not ten minutes ago. I just wish I could think of who the Redhead is starting to remind me of… it’s on the tip of my tongue… something about her shrill voice and her constant negativity regarding Jack’s plans…
The argument ends when the Redhead points out that the Waitress “is a human being.” Jack doesn’t respond. She might as well have said it in Portuguese, that’s so far outside of Jack’s understanding. I don’t think this relationship is going to work out.
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published February 24th, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 4-5 PM: As you’ll recall from the post I put up just a few hours ago, when we last saw Jack the Presidentess’s husband had been shot and the Redhead seemed to be hanging on by a thread. She really seems like she could lose it at any second. She’s looking, like… Sally Field crazy.
4:02 PM: The EMT’s arrive. Good thing the ambulance made out of unicorns wrapped in magic carpets was available. When one of the EMT’s is calling in to the hospital, Jack points out that it was a 9mm bullet. I’m not sure that was pertinent at this point, but whatever. Then he calls the Presidentess. He can’t be looking forward to this conversation: he lost Colonel Whatshisface, her husband has been shot, and the one piece of information he does have – that it was a 9mm bullet – probably isn’t going to make her feel better.
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published February 23rd, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Editor’s note: It feels like I’ve been writing these forever, but I’m getting caught up tonight, come hell or high water. Just bear with me. Then I’ll go back to finding something different yet equally inconsequential to write about.
Jack’s Day, 3-4 PM: After Jack’s impressive hour last episode, my optimism is renewed, though guarded. Even after the debacle of last season, I have not closed my heart to 24, and if Jack can retain his momentum of deadliness, I believe I can renew my sense of awe and fear that made me love this show. That being said, if Audrey shows up, I’m outta here. I don’t love the Redhead, but she’s leagues better than the Buzzkill.
What a Difference a Day Makes: Nothing Can Stop Me Now
Published February 18th, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 2-3 PM: As you’ll recall from the last episode, Jack finally got his first kill, and I think I speak for the wife when I say that we couldn’t be happier for him.
2:05 PM: Jack follows the truck with the Prime Minister. When it pulls into a building, he tells Chloe to get the security specs. It takes her about twenty seconds. I hope Janeane Garofalo is watching, because I like her; she just makes for a piss-poor Chloe. It’s not just that she’s quite inferior from a technical standpoint; she got the character motivation wrong. Janeane’s Chloe impression seems bratty, where real Chloe is snippy. Garofalo’s character is frustrated because she’s overwhelmed and helpless; Chloe is frustrated because people (Bill) keep her from doing her job. The difference is difficult to describe in text, but it’s apparent when you see the both of them.
By the way, you know how people are supposed to drive with their hands at ten and two? Bill drives with his hands at 11:59 and 12:01. Like my mom. It needed to be said.
Later that minute, Jack tells the Redhead that he needs her help, but he doesn’t say for what. Jack is actually facing away from the camera when he says this, and I get the feeling he has one eyebrow raised suggestively.
What a Difference a Day Makes: 24 Little Hours
Published February 17th, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Quick recap: Minutes ago, Jack shot the Redhead in the neck and buried her body in a ditch… in an effort to save her life. I hope Jack knows what he’s doing. I’m worried that days from now he’ll be in front of some inquiry board shouting, “I thought she’d be fine! I mean… look at Tony!”
Jack’s Day, 1-2PM: At 1:04, Bill and Chloe arrive to clean up Jack’s mess. Usually that means they take the girl home and buy her a new bra (he tends to “interrogate” them off) but this time it means dig her up and give her CPR. Bill is smart enough not to give her mouth to mouth (lest Jack see that as a challenge) while Chloe grabs a shot of adrenaline. Bill injects it into her heart, but it’s bullshit: not only does the needle slide in easily, the redhead wakes up with just a slight gasp. New rule: anytime a filmmaker shoots a scene where someone injects adrenaline into another character’s heart, they have to mimic Pulp Fiction. Or they can take footage straight from the movie. Honestly, if 24 had cut from Bill and the Redhead in a ditch to John Travolta pounding on Uma Thurman’s chest, then cut right back to the ditch, I wouldn’t have minded in the slightest.
What a Difference a Day Makes: We’ll Get Through This Together
Published February 15th, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
It’s been a while since I wrote one of these recaps, and there’s at least one of you (Tooth Fairy) who doesn’t watch the show at all, so just as a reminder, Jack and his crew of ne’er-do-wells have trapped the prime minister from fictional African-country-stereotype Sangala in a panic room in the embassy. Jack and Tony are undercover, but ostensibly their hope is to deliver the prime minister to evil Colonel Unpronounceable, (whose name is actually quite pronounceable, but we never see him often enough for me to remember it.) Colonel What’s-his-face also has the CIP device which allows him to hack into any part of the U.S. infrastructure. The goal of all this is to keep the U.S. from interfering in the Sangalan civil war, though honestly, I think he’s setting his sights low. If I was in his position, I’d at least challenge the city of Dallas to the biggest game of Red Light/Green Light ever.
What a Difference a Day Makes: Z drowns in 24 posts
Published January 21st, 2009 in 24, TelevisionI’m a big fan of 24. Sure, the story is good [Ed note: not last year!], but I’m mostly impressed by how much Jack Bauer manages to squeeze into a day. To illustrate, I compare each hour of Jack’s day to the corresponding hour in my own day.
Jack’s Day, 11 AM – 12 Noon: We start the show with Jack in transit. Hallelujah. See you in-
11:06 AM: -SIX MINUTES?!? DAMNIT!!! Jack arrives at “CTU Headquarters,” though until I see differently I’m going to figure it’s Bill’s apartment. I’ve never liked Bill, but now I’m actively pissed at him for living so close to the FBI and not providing me with a bunch of down time.